Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Four days

I'm back in Ft. Collins. Made it back on Monday. I spent the weekend in New Castle, Glenwood and Snowmass. Wrapping up as best I can. This all feels a little strange to me. I applied to the Peace Corps almost two years ago. My experience is not typical. I applied 15 months before I wanted to leave. I wanted to wait until Byron was back from Korea. I figured one of us out of the country at a time was enough. So I postponed, then I postponed again and then they postponed. So, yeah, two years. I've been talking about it for so long I think I am having some difficulty coming to understand that this is really going to happen.

It's all fun and games when you are just talking about it. I've been riding this bubble of sorts. Namely that I have been planning to do something pretty big but have not, until now, had to follow through on it. I've always been a little (only a little;) uncomfortable with everyone making a big deal out of it. It doesn't seem like much to me, I don't see it as anything bigger than what anyone else does. I know people that have never lived more than 50 miles from the place they were born that seem to live better, fuller and more beneficial lives than I've ever thought possible. I keep thinking... "Why wouldn't anyone if given a chance?" But, it's getting real. Having to say a lot of "goodbyes." Some of them pretty tough and feeling kind of permanent and I think, "This is why."

I am so incredibly blessed. I have more wonderful and loving people in my life than I am sure I deserve. "Am I going to leave this?" It's tough, it's what keeps many away, but it's all part of it. There's something more and I'm not ready to stop looking yet. I can't fathom any other way.

So for now, I'm tucking away the memories of rubber chickens, the Brew Pub and amazing friends, giggle bellies and a gymnastics expo, love, tears and laughter.

Four days.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Some were born to live big ... but even some of those individuals are not fortunate enough or able to recognize they were born to it and live lives unfulfilled. The rest must take the sometimes hard road to live up to their capabilities and dreams ... it takes personal courage, strength, and depth of character to realize one's potential... if it were easy, everyone would do it!

Godmother said...

One of the ways you know if you are on the right track in life is by how many people love you....(people don't love without cause.)

Dee said...

Leaving home and loved ones creates appreciation for both you and the ones you are leaving. Your new adventure will certainly enrich your life beyond all imagination. And coming back will be that much sweeter because of it.

Dad & Carol said...

Although I already miss you, I am, like your Dad, so very proud of you. I can't imagine the memories you will come back with. We will carry you close in our hearts always. Love Carol